Dominated (13 pts)

Yesterday I received an invitation to the weekly Kent-Luli Scrabble Hoe-Down & Cook-Off Jamboree. This is not an event in which I would be seeded; were this a tennis tournament such as Wimbledon, I would play the role of the plucky English player, full of hopes and dreams, doomed to die a sacrificial lamb at the hands of Leyton Hewitt. Nonetheless, it promised to be a far more entertaining evening that what I would have done otherwise (head home after work, try to beat my own sweating record), and so I confirmed my entry and yallah'd my way there that evening.

Sadly, I was indeed out of my league. While Kent, Luli and Annika pondered for a few minutes each round whether they could boost their 20pt scoring word to something closer to 30, I remained master of the single-digit words, trying desperately to figure out how I was going to use the three Ds and a V that made up half my letters. Round two saw no improvement, even with the arrival of Nisrin and our unification, Devastator-style, into a gestalt AIESEC US alumnus jauntily named "Chrisrin". Needless to say, we placed poorly; I blame Kent for not letting me use completely legitimate words like "Jiveo" (the act of injecting heroin into one's eyeball, or so I claimed).

At least if crushing my opponents wasn't on the cards, there was at least ample room for humor in my ineptitude; upon saying that I was so bad that I would have received a medal for participation were this 4th Grade, Kent corrected me, saying that I was barely worth solid minerals and would have more likely received a ribbon instead. Ouch.