Beliefs

Yesterday ended up being a tough day. But not, surprisingly, due to the morning, where after 5 hours of sleep Evi, Roeland and I ventured into Cairo to renew our visas. If the lack of sleep and plunge into the murky depths of Egyptian bureaucracy wasn’t enough, my phone fell out of my pocket as I exited the cab, and although I pulled off some impressive car dodging trying to catch up with it after I realized it was missing it was to no avail.

So, for those of you keeping score: Tired, Bureaucracy, Lost Phone. All before 9am.

But fortune decided to smile on me this time. Getting all the shit together for the application took about 30 mins, and 2 hours later we had our shiny printed labels in our passports. I got a friend from AIESEC to text my phone, which the cab driver read, called back from and arranged a drop-off point for the phone. He is a very, very nice man. And I got to take a nap in the afternoon once we got back, which can’t be all that bad.

Later that day I swung by the university to attend an OGX prep session on representing Islam abroad. Seemed like a good way to learn about a part of the culture that such a big part of the region, you know? And truthfully, I did – the external who led the session was very intelligent and articulate, and clearly knew a lot about the subject. I spent most of the session in silence, trying to remember as much as I could for future reference. Some of the stuff made me uncomfortable – frequent references to American culture were less than positive, and while I’d be the first to say that aspects of American life aren’t perfect it gets me down that the country draws criticism for things that are hardly unique to it (as an article I linked to a short while ago noted, anti-globalism riots often target US business; arms protests reference the US stockpile and so on). As I expected as she spoke of the role of Jesus in the Quran there were viewpoints and explanations that I didn’t agree with, but if those were her beliefs I can respect her right to a perspective different from mine based on her religion.

In explaining why she did not see Jesus as the son of God, she argued that God would not have allowed his son to be killed by mortals. Like I said before: ok, sure I can see the argument there. Don’t agree with it – the crucifixion is kinda important to my religious beliefs when all is said and done – but I can accept it as a different point of view. She followed by saying that if anyone that could prove to her that God allowed his son to die, she would stop believing altogether. I had been pondering on whether or not to say anything for a while, but that statement in particular caught me and moved me to ask something directly.

I asked if she could at least understand the perspective that Christians hold – not to accept it as fact, or to submit to my iron will, just to accept that some people think this way instead, and grasp the concepts behind it (as I had been trying to do the previous 90 mins). I did not get a yes.

I explained my beliefs – that Jesus accepted this fate and died for our sins, to show his eternal love for humanity and so on; her response was that one of two things was possible:

1) That Jesus died for our sins and therefore absolved all of them in perpetuity. This means that I could go out now and kill someone (or to use a slightly less extreme example, I could go and have sex outside of marriage, lie to others and so on) and still be assured my place in Heaven, as everything that I had done was pre-cleared by JC.

2) That this is not the case, and no sins were absolved, meaning that the crucifixion was pointless. This ties into the belief that it was not Jesus who died on the cross.

So I tried again; that as I don’t believe in 2) and 1) ain’t right to me either, that despite the crucifixion it’s central for people to live good lives and help each other out to gain peace in the afterlife… but I kinda got shot down. One or the other she said, no in-betweens. I could see a drawn-out, my-religion-is-better-than-yours debate start, but we were cut short as security was ushering everyone off campus at that point. The presenter Sadi and I exchanged contact info, I left the room and I to make sure the others didn’t see me so upset.

Why was I so emotional? I knew going into the session that some of the ideas would be new and different to me, but it wasn’t those that got me so cut up about everything. I felt like I had let myself down somehow; that I had the chance to explain my beliefs to someone and left with them thinking that all Christians get a free ethical ride through life. I was hurt that every example she gave of someone not living a morally clean life was American or linked to America. I was disappointed that I couldn’t get her to at least say “I understand, do not agree, but accept”, as I had tried so hard to do. What kind of portrayal had I given of my beliefs that would result in an outcome like that?

I hitched a ride with Karim and Yasser, two of the AIESECers that had attended the session. We chatted about the perceptions of Muslims in America, life after 9/11, the need for people to look beyond the media images that are presented to them, both here and in the West. Eating ice cream and fruit on the side of a busy street, I thought about what had happened that day. In a way I’m glad the reaction in me was so strong; it means I care about what we spoke about. I don’t usually talk about my beliefs; I think in AIESEC we're far more likely to identify ourselves by our nationalities, playing an unwritten, international game of Bingo as we travel and meet and cross countries off the list. But I realize that this isn’t the last time I’ll be the only Christian or westerner in the room, nor the last time I’ll have to interact with someone that believes they are right and I am not.

At the start of the session, I was chatting to some of the AIESECers; I said that I enjoyed sessions like the one we were about to participate in because the world needed to be open, to discuss, not necessarily agree but at least accept. On of them cracked a broad smile and said – rightly – that the world wasn’t like that. I agreed, and said that we still had to try, even if our voices are small against the roar of the rest of the world.

I’ll keep trying.